This week has been a week that has taught and humbled me. I realized I needed to work on how I presented myself, and how I speak about those I love. The way you speak about others really does indicate the type of person you are and the type of person that you will become. If you spend alot of time talking about the flaws of others, you don't concentrate on the flaws you need to work on, and blame others for your own faults. And most of all. you break down those who you should be relying upon. Just to be fair, I have been on both sides of the gossip, rants, and unkind things spoken. I just realized--with some strong lessons from church and real life, that its not worth it. There are other things to talk about, and other ways to express yourself.
What I learned on Sunday though was this.. Gossip is anything that is said that would make the person being talked about feel bad. I think that its important to remember that "ranting" about someone is a form of gossip, saying anything about someone else you would not feel comfortable saying in front of that person. I also heard this bit of wisdom that I loved "If you aren't part of the problem or the solution then you probably shouldn't be talking about it." and "If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person." I need to work on implementing these things in my life. I have tried it so far this week, and I have found I feel better about myself, and I feel better about those around me.
I think there is an underlying message here though, Heavenly Father is the only one who knows all things, and all peoples situations. I am not here to judge another, only to be kind, and to show kindness in whatever capacity that is expected. This week I am working on just listening to others... I am not asking for anything this week in my prayers, only being grateful, sharing my feelings, and lessons that I've learned. Its been pretty miraculous actually, I won't get into that on this blog though. I have been blessed in many things, Heavenly Father has truly been at work in my life. Another message is this... We should work to love, if we spend too much time complaining, or finding fault, we have no time to love.
Another thing that I've learned lately is that there truly is a plan for our lives. My cousin cousin committed suicide the Wednesday before Spring Break. Its been hard to deal with, on the one hand, I find myself pondering what I could have done, and then on the other I have this peace in my heart. I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our lives, and because I know that He has a plan, I know that He knows her heart. And that she is in His care now.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
poems
So Much Happiness
It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.
But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records…..
Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.
Naomi Shihab Nye
I love this poem. <3
It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.
But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records…..
Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.
Naomi Shihab Nye
I love this poem. <3
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Welllll
I think there is something wrong with my car. Its bad.. my car shakes super bad, and it gets worse when I drive faster. My mom gave me some money to get it looked at, but I feel really bad taking it. She doesn't have much money to start with. I really need to start working on saving money better. Granted its hard, being a college student--especially a college student in an education internship. I feel like I am spending alot of money on "necessary" supplies. I think that the point is to invest in some good starter classroom stuff.. I won't write my "but" here, as what I was about to say wasn't very positive.
My cohort adviser made this awesome point in class today.. She was talking about being nice, and being nice and showing love to those we may not get along with, and treating them like they are our best friends. She said "Its not that much harder to be nice, and to go the extra mile. Most things that are nice only take a few minutes to do." It really stuck out to me. I am going to strive to diligently take the "extra time" to be nice. I experimented a little with it today and it seemed to work well. Mostly I found that the more open and humble you are with others, the more you can be kind.
Actually I have a really cool observation about my classes.... All of them are going to require me to think critically, and really examine myself in ways that I haven't done before. But most of them coincide with things that I have already made goals to do in my life, but its interesting... I can already foresee the changes that are going to be necessary for me to be successful, its just about working hard to achieve them. I need to bust out of my shell. I need to become more confident in my sense of self, because if I'm not comfortable with that, than I am going to struggle to have the presence that I need to have in a classroom. I think part of it is to learn to be affluent and express what my opinions are in a way that is non-threatening.
That's the part that I struggle with.. I really struggle with expressing opinion in group settings, and with people who I don't trust. I'm getting better though, I actually have tried speaking up during class, and its working.. kinda. Lol. Its going to take practice but I think I'll get the hang of not being afraid to speak up and say what I think.
I AM SO TIRED, and my internship has just begun. This semester is going to be killer... but I'm excited. I love my cohort so far, and I am so glad to be in the cohort I'm in. My advisor is such a wise woman. Practical, No-nonsense, but fair, and kind. She is reasonable, and doesn't waste our time. We all are placed individually in classrooms, unlike most cohorts, which helps us to grow more independently and in a different way than our peers. I am excited to grow and change this semester. I am so blessed to have the opportunities I do. <3 God is so awesome. :)
My cohort adviser made this awesome point in class today.. She was talking about being nice, and being nice and showing love to those we may not get along with, and treating them like they are our best friends. She said "Its not that much harder to be nice, and to go the extra mile. Most things that are nice only take a few minutes to do." It really stuck out to me. I am going to strive to diligently take the "extra time" to be nice. I experimented a little with it today and it seemed to work well. Mostly I found that the more open and humble you are with others, the more you can be kind.
Actually I have a really cool observation about my classes.... All of them are going to require me to think critically, and really examine myself in ways that I haven't done before. But most of them coincide with things that I have already made goals to do in my life, but its interesting... I can already foresee the changes that are going to be necessary for me to be successful, its just about working hard to achieve them. I need to bust out of my shell. I need to become more confident in my sense of self, because if I'm not comfortable with that, than I am going to struggle to have the presence that I need to have in a classroom. I think part of it is to learn to be affluent and express what my opinions are in a way that is non-threatening.
That's the part that I struggle with.. I really struggle with expressing opinion in group settings, and with people who I don't trust. I'm getting better though, I actually have tried speaking up during class, and its working.. kinda. Lol. Its going to take practice but I think I'll get the hang of not being afraid to speak up and say what I think.
I AM SO TIRED, and my internship has just begun. This semester is going to be killer... but I'm excited. I love my cohort so far, and I am so glad to be in the cohort I'm in. My advisor is such a wise woman. Practical, No-nonsense, but fair, and kind. She is reasonable, and doesn't waste our time. We all are placed individually in classrooms, unlike most cohorts, which helps us to grow more independently and in a different way than our peers. I am excited to grow and change this semester. I am so blessed to have the opportunities I do. <3 God is so awesome. :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
So yesterday, I caught myself laughing at someone. Its horrible, I know. I feel extremely guilty right now. haha. (Its not the reason I'm up at 5am--thats because I went to sleep extra early at like 9pm). But I just wonder how that person felt, and I know how she felt, humiliated. But yeah.. what to do, what to do. I'll text her a little later...
Today, I am adventuring to the SS Administration. I'm not really excited, it means HOURS of waiting. :( hopefully, i will find a printer before I head over there... is Kinkos open this early? I wonder if my aunt can take me to her work to print something.. I'll ask her (side note: EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE IS AWAKE--and its before 6am...).
Looks like I'm going into work with her to print the application. I've gotta shower and stuff.
-Beth
Today, I am adventuring to the SS Administration. I'm not really excited, it means HOURS of waiting. :( hopefully, i will find a printer before I head over there... is Kinkos open this early? I wonder if my aunt can take me to her work to print something.. I'll ask her (side note: EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE IS AWAKE--and its before 6am...).
Looks like I'm going into work with her to print the application. I've gotta shower and stuff.
-Beth
Sunday, January 15, 2012
I've been thinking alot lately of my soon-to-be internship, the beginning of my Professional Development Sequence, and the beginning of the end of my time at the University of Texas.
It seems strange that in three semesters I will be graduating, hopefully Cume Laude.. I remember being a freshman and feeling really lost in the 40,000+ students and sticking close by my best friends at the time. I've had my fair share of challenges, but I am really grateful that I can say that I am a better person because of my time at UT so far.
This whole transition period between college and professionalism will be an adventure, that's for sure. I'm really nervous to start my PDS, what if my CT hates me? What if I really fail at what I have put my whole heart into? I am not really a shy person, but I really struggle to be vocal around new people and in situations that I am not familiar with. I hope this semester will be a turning point and I will be able to be successful in my student observations and student teaching. That is my prayer, and I know that I am not in this alone. I have my mom, and my siblings, my friends, my facilitator, my coordinating teacher, my cohort advisor, and most of all my Savior to help me to grow and change.
My goals for the year sort of all fall into the same categories. To be diligent, forgive, and take the opportunities that are presented to me. I'm excited to grow closer to my Heavenly Father, and to immerse myself in my PDS. :)
It seems strange that in three semesters I will be graduating, hopefully Cume Laude.. I remember being a freshman and feeling really lost in the 40,000+ students and sticking close by my best friends at the time. I've had my fair share of challenges, but I am really grateful that I can say that I am a better person because of my time at UT so far.
This whole transition period between college and professionalism will be an adventure, that's for sure. I'm really nervous to start my PDS, what if my CT hates me? What if I really fail at what I have put my whole heart into? I am not really a shy person, but I really struggle to be vocal around new people and in situations that I am not familiar with. I hope this semester will be a turning point and I will be able to be successful in my student observations and student teaching. That is my prayer, and I know that I am not in this alone. I have my mom, and my siblings, my friends, my facilitator, my coordinating teacher, my cohort advisor, and most of all my Savior to help me to grow and change.
My goals for the year sort of all fall into the same categories. To be diligent, forgive, and take the opportunities that are presented to me. I'm excited to grow closer to my Heavenly Father, and to immerse myself in my PDS. :)
Friday, December 9, 2011
A Day of Rememberance
Today, it turns out, marks a very special day, and I feel really bad, because I don't really have time to remember my Dad the way I want to. Even though I know God has not removed my dad completely from my life, I often --especially this year, have really missed seeing him, and just all the temporal things that are equated with a father daughter relationship. I miss the hugs, and I miss his jokes, and sometimes I just find myself yearning for his words of comfort through this season of growth in my life.
I know though, that my dad is still with me. That he is one of my angels who watch my life carefully, and surround me when things are especially hard. God loves each of us, and I know with all my heart, that He gives us each a relationship with those that have passed on, and that I still can have my dad's love and support as I live my life. I have felt my dad around me, and I know that no matter what, his love for me can endure time. Because love does not end, this is just a very temporary trial, and in the end I will have joy if I endure well.
The reality of the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, is so real right now, as I concentrate on finals, and strive to do all the things that are necessary for my life, the gifts I have been given by my loving Heavenly Father are more pronounced, and my ability to love others is strengthened. I felt the still, small voice testify to me of the things that I needed to hear at this time.
The Father's Plan of Salvation is real, we will be happy at the end of this life. We have much to hope for, and I am striving to never forget that. :)
I know though, that my dad is still with me. That he is one of my angels who watch my life carefully, and surround me when things are especially hard. God loves each of us, and I know with all my heart, that He gives us each a relationship with those that have passed on, and that I still can have my dad's love and support as I live my life. I have felt my dad around me, and I know that no matter what, his love for me can endure time. Because love does not end, this is just a very temporary trial, and in the end I will have joy if I endure well.
The reality of the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, is so real right now, as I concentrate on finals, and strive to do all the things that are necessary for my life, the gifts I have been given by my loving Heavenly Father are more pronounced, and my ability to love others is strengthened. I felt the still, small voice testify to me of the things that I needed to hear at this time.
The Father's Plan of Salvation is real, we will be happy at the end of this life. We have much to hope for, and I am striving to never forget that. :)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Perspective.
Its about that time of year where I start struggling alot, and I begin to be overwhelmed with emotions. It all ties back to my dad passing away --December 9th, 2008. Its been 3 years almost, but I still feel so much sorrow and I still miss him more than I can express. Sometimes its anger, and sometimes its just plain being sad. I start missing the perspective that usually is easy for me to find in the scriptures. There are only certain times of the year I feel this way, and yeah. :(
I also recognize an unhealthy coping habit in my life, I tend to reassign these negative emotions to things that I feel like are more easily expressed. I begin to pick myself apart for minor mistakes, or I tend to over-analyze people and their actions towards me. Because on some level, its easier to deal with those things than with what is actually going on-- my own grieving. Part of it is that I feel like I should be "over it" already. I mean it has been three years. I can usually talk about it without crying-- but not for very long. I know people talk about it behind my back.. even family has told my mom that she shouldn't still cry about it.. But I don't FEEL that way at all, I think its okay to still cry, and to still hold onto him. I feel like my dad is still very much a part of my life, and he doesn't want me to let go of him..
I once read somewhere that "The only way to take sorrow out of death, is to take love out of life". I don't think I am ever going to stop loving my dad, nor am I expected to, but does that mean that as long as I'm on this Earth, without my dad, I will feel this sorrow? If so, I am okay with that.. its just something that I don't understand. In the scriptures, it tells us that "sorrow is fleeting" and that "joy is eternal", but am I meant to have this sorrow "fleet" out of my life right now? And am I allowing my sorrow to overcome my goals in life? (I don't think so but I just felt like adding that question in) Am I the one choosing to feel this sorrow? I have also read in the scriptures that we can CHOOSE happiness.. so am I sad, because I am not allowing the atonement to work in my life? Because I'm not allowing myself to heal?
Logically this is all so pathetic, but when I pray, I believe that this sorrow is right. That it is okay to feel sorrowful, and that this is a trial I am going through because on some level, God wants me to understand sorrow, and happiness and the roles they play in our lives.
I need to stay closer to the Lord, somehow, Satan has found his way in between myself and the Lord, and has me captive to discouragement and contention. I feel myself getting angry at little things, and discouraged in social and school settings. I was counseled that in my life, "Satan's greatest tool is discouragement" and to stay far away from discouragement. I need to be encouraged.. I need to be closer to my Savior. I think the one way I can do this is to say my prayers and study more diligently the words of the scriptures, and the words of the prophets. I need to be closer to the Spirit, and those are the two ways I see that I can improve on, so I am going to start there.
I also recognize an unhealthy coping habit in my life, I tend to reassign these negative emotions to things that I feel like are more easily expressed. I begin to pick myself apart for minor mistakes, or I tend to over-analyze people and their actions towards me. Because on some level, its easier to deal with those things than with what is actually going on-- my own grieving. Part of it is that I feel like I should be "over it" already. I mean it has been three years. I can usually talk about it without crying-- but not for very long. I know people talk about it behind my back.. even family has told my mom that she shouldn't still cry about it.. But I don't FEEL that way at all, I think its okay to still cry, and to still hold onto him. I feel like my dad is still very much a part of my life, and he doesn't want me to let go of him..
I once read somewhere that "The only way to take sorrow out of death, is to take love out of life". I don't think I am ever going to stop loving my dad, nor am I expected to, but does that mean that as long as I'm on this Earth, without my dad, I will feel this sorrow? If so, I am okay with that.. its just something that I don't understand. In the scriptures, it tells us that "sorrow is fleeting" and that "joy is eternal", but am I meant to have this sorrow "fleet" out of my life right now? And am I allowing my sorrow to overcome my goals in life? (I don't think so but I just felt like adding that question in) Am I the one choosing to feel this sorrow? I have also read in the scriptures that we can CHOOSE happiness.. so am I sad, because I am not allowing the atonement to work in my life? Because I'm not allowing myself to heal?
Logically this is all so pathetic, but when I pray, I believe that this sorrow is right. That it is okay to feel sorrowful, and that this is a trial I am going through because on some level, God wants me to understand sorrow, and happiness and the roles they play in our lives.
I need to stay closer to the Lord, somehow, Satan has found his way in between myself and the Lord, and has me captive to discouragement and contention. I feel myself getting angry at little things, and discouraged in social and school settings. I was counseled that in my life, "Satan's greatest tool is discouragement" and to stay far away from discouragement. I need to be encouraged.. I need to be closer to my Savior. I think the one way I can do this is to say my prayers and study more diligently the words of the scriptures, and the words of the prophets. I need to be closer to the Spirit, and those are the two ways I see that I can improve on, so I am going to start there.
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